Just call me Charlotte Lucas.

Okay, I am about to post something near and dear to my heart.  It's about to get real in the Whole Foods parking lot (YouTube video, look it up).  I've sort of had an Unpublished Blog, if you will, on being single.  Or a Computerized Journal, perhaps.  I've decided to let it out in the open.  To "send it out in a cosmic void" to quote one of my favorite movies.  I have been writing these lonely rantings for three years.  Some of these feelings are long past....Some I am still working through.  All of the crushes I mention are long gone.  Forgive the frustrations of the 25 year old girl that wrote this, she's feeling much better now....sort of:

What is this bull that I could have a boyfriend if I wanted one? Well, OK, this is me wanting one…Where is he? Where is my prince? I want one, there, wasn’t that supposed to cure my ailing? Well, it didn’t happen. Ah, just as I suspected, Bull Shit! And I don’t want to hear this shit, “Men are just intimidated by me”! Really? Every man? Every man I have ever known is too intimidated by me to ask me out? Wow, I should be in Guinness as the Most Intimidating Woman in the World. Where is my prize? What is the prize? It sure as hell isn’t a boyfriend, I bet!

Jane Austen said it best, “Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then.”

And I am not asking for a husband, God knows I do not want to fall into the Southern stereotype of being a married schoolteacher with kids. I don’t want my life mapped out for me by the time I am 30. How boring. I don’t want to know where I will be in 30 years...GAH! But, a little romance? Come on! I would take some. And what would it hurt? I promise to uphold my morals and standards. All I want is to feel wanted, for the first time in my life.

I don’t say all this for sympathy, or empathy; just to vent, just to get my thoughts out of my skull where they usually play on repeat. Enough is enough. Something needs to be done, but what? My friends tell me that boys are stupid and you have to encourage them if you want them to make a move! Or that I have to make the move or they won’t. What is that? I want to be pursued; other girls are pursued right? Or was that only after encouragement? Is there some kind of secret that I don’t know yet? Some skill that I was programmed without?

Just for once, I wish someone that I am crushing on, will crush on me back? Do I just choose the wrong ones to crush on? If so, does that mean I am destined to end up with someone that I am not attracted to? Why was I created to be attracted to this certain type of guy then? Isn’t that like being born with the passion to be a singer and not be able to carry a tune? Who makes these rules? It’s pretty cruel.

I hate having crushes anyway, aren’t they supposed to be fun? Mine never end up being fun! I end up with a broken heart of which no one but me is responsible.

Is it just sad and pathetic to rant and rave like this? Probably, but there are no other 28 year old virgins left in the world; let alone one that has never been asked on a freaking date!  I don't want to be Susan Boyle!

I suppose this all has something to do with my Daddy issues. I guess it could be worse; my daddy issues could have taken form in the completely opposite way. I could be a slut, but I am not, because I have never been given the opportunity to be a slut. But the opposite of being a slut is to repel the guys away, so how does one do that if I am not doing it on purpose? Wouldn’t I be aware if I was repelling guys, I mean wouldn’t I be doing it on purpose. I am so close to buying a stinking self-help book, or worse…going about it the way most chubby girls have to, which is the Internet! Pathetic. I will die an old maid before I would result to that.

I refuse to believe that I have to go out all the time to find a guy. Most people don’t have successful relationships with guys from bars. Is that what you are going to tell your grandchildren, really? I don’t think I should have to go on a manhunt. Moondoggie should find and pursue me. Be the man! You have balls!

Really, I have always kind of had this peace about being single. Knowing that God has someone really special in mind for me, and I was being patient waiting for him, but lately I have been feeling just a little pathetic that I haven’t even had interest from someone else. Was I just telling myself to make myself feel better, but I really do have faith in God that things will happen when they are supposed to happen. I have faith that He knows what he is doing. I do get a little lonely sometimes, but I usually just ask Him to hold me and I feel better. Lately, this nagging feeling is a little more persistent than it has ever been before. Shooo, fly! Don’t bother me!

If only it were that easy.