Tuesday, September 25, 2012

An Edward in a haystack

I can say one good thing about not dating...I have no regrets.  If all of my crushes had worked out the way I hoped, I would have a pile of embarrassment.  Ew. 

"There are certainly not so many men of large fortune in the world, as there are pretty women to deserve them." ~Jane Austen


I don’t even know how to start this because I am ashamed of feeling this way. I hate having crushes. I hate them. And I especially hate them when they begin because you think that said guy likes you first. So essentially your feelings stem from something artificial because inevitably he doesn’t actually have feelings for you and you are left with another bad case of unrequited love.

And what if this particular instance the guy happens to be completely wonderful and attains attributes in a future husband you never knew you needed. He is thoughtful and kind and mature. He takes the time to get to know people and steps back to assess situations. He genuinely cares for people and wants them to succeed. What do I do when I recognize I want these attributes in a future husband but want to get over this crush because I know that he is not interested in me and I am sick of being hurt. I have been praying that I am coming to God in my daily devotion to be closer to Him and to make myself whole.  I don’t want to be doing it with a hidden agenda in hopes that someone will love me, but in the several weeks since I have begun my devotion, I have developed a crush. This isn’t fair. I am feeling attacked. I almost want to stop my devotion to prove I am not doing it for the wrong reasons. As I am writing this I guarantee that is what the Devil wants me to do. AHA! I have found you out, Satan. You will not prevail!

After my Mom called to ask who I was crushing on, I felt the need to add this reminder....the posts in a different font are old.

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