“Preserve yourself from first love…and you need not fear a
second.” ~Jane Austen
All this week I have had the same message sent to me from
above, below, or somewhere, but in different ways. DON’T GET MARRIED! The
married people I’ve talked to say, “I don’t know if it’s worth it.” Wow! That
is quite a thing to say.
What’s the fun in not being able to refer to yourself as an “I”
anymore, I mean is it a rule that you have to answer every question with “We”?
And having to be split up from your family every other Holiday only to go to
his psycho Mom’s house, so you can be treated like the thing that went wrong in
her precious son’s life. Or not being able to spend your hard earned money as
your own, and the fear of being killed if you open a store card to save the
10%. That life doesn’t sound very fun. What about the realization that this is
your life for the next…well, however long you live? And, "Oh crap, I always
wanted to go to Europe before my 30th birthday, but I’m pregnant.
And there goes the next 18 years. But wouldn’t have been fun to be an actor? I
guess I will just have to live vicariously through People Magazine and Romantic
Comedies." I just don’t know if it’s worth all the marriage?
I think maybe Jane used her imagination as her outlet and
lived her life the way she intended. I wonder if she had any regrets. I mean,
of course it is fun to be appreciated and doted on. I assume, that is. I don’t
exactly get that treatment. What I guess I mean is that it must be fun and that
is probably why women get sucked in, in the first place. I have been made felt
special by a few repressed gays because they love the chunky women. That’s
where we get our love. I’m leery of a skinny handsome guy after us chunks.
Something’s just not right there. In fact the other day, a guy walked by my
friend and I and looked at her and said, “Oh, Wow, you look beautiful today,”
And then came back to me and said, “I didn’t mean to leave you out, you look
beautiful today too. You are beautiful in His eyes.” Thank you, Thank you for
that backhanded compliment. Those are the kind of compliments I get from the
straights. That and, “If you merged your personality with Christina’s looks,
you would be the perfect woman.” I have also heard, “You are very attractive in
a different way.” Stop it! I cannot handle the flattery, you! I might get a big
head. I am a little worried that if a man ever does come my way, and for some unknown reason, wants to be with me, that by the time that happens, I will be so desperate for some kind of interaction that I will take him no matter if he is right or wrong, clean or dirty, handsome or…well…Mr. Collins. Even to type that, I threw up in my mouth a little. Is that what happens to some women? Is that why they date stupid men, or lazy men, or Douche bags? Because they were desperate? I know in some cases, they have Daddy issues but I don’t want to go back to the Daddy issues now.
Is this me trying to convince myself that being single is
okay? That I would rather be single than married to Mr. Elton? What day of the
week is it? Yep, I am. Ask me again tomorrow. The answer will change. Women are
so complicated.
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