"I have no pretensions whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a respectable man." ~Pride and Prejudice
A girl told me the other day that the way to get a man is to show off my cleavage a little more, and I thought, how sad for her. Is that really what she thinks will bring them in? That’s not the kind of man I want to attract. Plus he won’t stay long when he realizes he won’t actually get to see them until we are married. And this little situation goes hand in hand with something I have been thinking about lately…I have always wanted to be thin, not for anyone else but for me, and this is a completely separate subject that I could get off on a tangent about but I digress. But I was thinking that if I did become thin and then get asked out by someone that I have known, I don’t know if I would accept because I would be the exact same person I was before, the only difference is how I look. That is not the kind of guy that I want. A superficial one! My mind goes through this cycle of thinking over and over again and it makes me bitter. It is why I am a cynic.
I finally had to talk about my feelings because I was about
to burst. I asked my Mom, “Why has no one asked me out? What’s wrong with me?” She
didn’t have any answers but she asked me if I talk about hating men. Yes, Yes I
do. Until they stop being superficial and one proves me wrong, I’ll keep saying
“Men suck”. I am basically asking one to prove me wrong! Please do. But no one
is standing in line to try. So is it my fault or theirs? I don’t know what
answer I would rather it be. If it’s my fault, I am defective…ugly or annoying
or scary; which in turn keeps my insecurities on the surface. If it’s their
fault it means they are superficial and don’t know a good thing when they see
it. All they see is fat or thin. Not even pretty or ugly because there are
plenty of ugly, thin girls that guy’s just fawn over. A Butter Face, so they
say. And if that is what men are then I don’t want them!
Honestly, it comes down to having faith that the right guy
is going to present himself at the time it should be so and not a moment sooner
but it would be nice if it were sooner.
Reading this, I chuckled to myself...I did lose the weight, mostly.
You've heard it before....as I always say, "It's a cliche for a reason." God works in mysterious ways. I went to an interview yesterday, as soon as I walked into the door Satan started whispering lies into my ear. "You don't belong here. You are not thin enough. You are not trendy enough. They can see right through you." I immediately asked my for prayers. My 2nd Mom sent me an email which hit the spot.
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end — Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." Isaiah 43:1b-4 (The Message)
I say that I am OK with being single. I try to be, but there is always that underlying affirmation on replay, "You are not worthy." I am replacing it starting today. "I am worthy. I am pursued daily by the One that knows my every thought" (and still he pursues me).
Dear Lord, this part of me that wants to be pursued and rescued ... You created it. You created it to be filled by Your unconditional love. Thank You that You will never grow tired of me or stop pursing me. You want me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
You've heard it before....as I always say, "It's a cliche for a reason." God works in mysterious ways. I went to an interview yesterday, as soon as I walked into the door Satan started whispering lies into my ear. "You don't belong here. You are not thin enough. You are not trendy enough. They can see right through you." I immediately asked my for prayers. My 2nd Mom sent me an email which hit the spot.
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end — Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." Isaiah 43:1b-4 (The Message)
I say that I am OK with being single. I try to be, but there is always that underlying affirmation on replay, "You are not worthy." I am replacing it starting today. "I am worthy. I am pursued daily by the One that knows my every thought" (and still he pursues me).
Dear Lord, this part of me that wants to be pursued and rescued ... You created it. You created it to be filled by Your unconditional love. Thank You that You will never grow tired of me or stop pursing me. You want me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment