Rubs and Disappointments

“There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere . . .” ~Jane Austen

 

In this vast and populated city of Los Angeles, one can easily get  lost in the sea of cars and people.  In a place you would think would be busier and more exciting than a tiny (in comparison) town in Arkansas, I couldn't feel more alone.  As I sit here in the dark, with cancelled plans, and Josh Garrels playing, I am thankful I have this great void that is the Internet to let my thoughts rest. 

 

Is this what every one's life is like?  Or am I destined to be a hermit?  How does one grow out of their hermit tendencies? 

 

Granted I have only been here for almost two months.  How many friends can one make in two months?  Don't answer that.  That was a rhetorical question.  I am sure more than I am pretending to be natural. 

 

I truly believe we never really know ourselves until we move away from our comfort zone.  Once you are taken out of that sense of complacency you discover how courageous or how destitute you really are.  You find out where you turn when times get lonely.  And you find out who you can turn to when times get lonely.  It's not just a personal test.  It's a test of loyalty. 

 

I often wonder if Jane Austen preferred her written characters to real characters? If she would rather stay in all day writing not only because she enjoyed writing but she enjoyed creating her own storyline and outcome? Where good can come to those who deserve it and the wicked get what is owed them? It doesn't always work like that in real life. Undeserving girls marry great men, and the rich man isn't good. Did she write so she could feel like she was accomplishing the life she felt she was meant to lead? Feeling lonely that day? Write a love story. Angry that you are poor? Write a love story with a rich man.  There would be no disappointments, and if there were, they would be quickly rectified with her pen. 

 

Tonight, I am grateful for Jane Austen, Josh Garrels, and Jesus.