Saving Innocence

Matthew 18 The Greatest in the Kingdom. 1^a At that time the disciples^* approached Jesus and said, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2He called a child over, placed it in their midst, 3^b and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,^* you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4^c Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5^* And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.

"Is it sleeting where you are in California?", my 6 year old niece asked me this morning on the phone.  It is sleeting in Arkansas, so it must be sleeting everywhere.  Ah, kids.

I remember being a little girl.  I liked to dance, sing, pretend, play with dolls, dress up, and draw (OK, I still like to do all those things).  Everything was easier.  My biggest concern was being bored.  I remember turning 13 and telling myself that I had to stop playing with Barbies because I was a teenager now; it was a significant moment in my life. 

I can't imagine having that innocence taken away from me by being abused or raped.  Gong from a blissful child to a unprepared adult almost instantaneously.  This is a cause very close to my heart, as someone who values purity above all else, I think there is no greater crime than the loss of innocence.  The audacity of someone feeling they have the right to take that away from another angers me like nothing else. 

I know too many who have had that innocence taken away from them; who are scarred with memories of being powerless.  For those of you who have, know that I don't know the extent of your pain but I weep with you.  What was done to you was unfair, there is no explanation, but join me in the fight against the worst crime in the world. 

Isaiah 1:17
Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.

Saving Innocence is a cause that we can support to bring justice to those who have been trafficked in America.  It is happening here, not just in third world countries, but here.  Please visit their website and read the amazing things these ladies have done to bring scum to justice, to fight for the innocent, and to bring awareness of what is happening next door.

Hope House is a place where these victims can go to seek refuge.  Do what you can to give to get the doors open.  I ask my friends, family, and the void that is the internet to give ANYTHING to help get this place up and running. 

Psalm 33:5
The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.

http://www.savinginnocence.org/

Breaking Down Walls and Taking Names

If things are going untowardly one month, they are sure to mend the next. ~Jane Austen

Here's the situation, been busy living life, working, working out, and changing that frankly I didn't know where to begin when it came to a new post so I just never did but now the time has come to inform the void that is the Internet in the new things I have learned.

"Suzanne, aren’t you supposed to have 4 kids? Aren’t you getting a little old?"

Ouch.

First, let me say that the person who said this to me is not a mean person….just blunt. Secondly, there may be some serious stereotyping in the post. You’ve been warned. Lastly, you might be wondering how it is I know I am supposed to have 4 kids. It’s called The Pencil Test.

http://pencilpregnancytest.com/

Moving on. My first thought was "how sad that she fell for the southern stigma." I guess, I could have gone that route….marriage and kids all before the age 30 but I GUARANTEE I would have been divorced and raising some very bratty kids. Holy terrors. Why, you ask?  Until this year I didn’t know myself; I thought I did, but I was wrong. Until recently I was NOT ready to give up my selfish ways; I wasn’t even a good aunt. I didn’t know why I reacted to certain situations the way I did. I didn’t like myself. How could I be raising a family? Now, I am not saying that no one under 30 knows who they are; some do. And I’m sure some find a partner they can grow up together with and it works, but I have a feeling I am not in the minority on this.

For the first time in my life I feel completely complete. I am no longer searching for the thing to fill that void. The void I used to try to fill with food, celebrities, TV, and friends. I never wanted to relinquish that hold I had on my own life. Honestly, I thought it was a little selfish that God asked me to give my entire person over to him, but over the last year it has become something I wanted to do. Why? Selflessly, I want to because he made me and it's the least I can do.  I worship him and he deserves it.  Life is easier once you do. Life is better when you give in. How would I have been someone's partner and raised a family not being a whole person?

Something else I've learned over the past year is what I am looking for in a future husband. In the past, I have reciprocated feelings from any guy that gave me a little attention, most of which turned out to be gay....true story. I've seen inside the lives of many different families in all of my babysitting this year. I've seen good dads and bad dads, and something that I now know is important to me is a Dad that is willing to be selfless, not many are. They are not ready to give up their personal time, as Mom's are. I've truly seen what is important in a future husband not as a partner but as a Father.

I have also gotten to see many different teaching and parenting techniques in all of my families. I get to see what works and what doesn't work. I have also had the privilege to discover that parents are just as clueless as anyone else....that they are doing the best they know to do. I never understood growing up when I asked my Mom a question and she didn't have the answer....now I know. Parents don't know everything, and that is OK, to feel a little clueless when you are raising your kids.

How would I have raised kids without the freedom of accepting my cluelessness?

So, my delayed answer to the girl mentioned earlier is, "Yes, I am getting older....and wiser."

This week I had an overwhelming feeling of excitement about the future. God did this. He's done this before but last time it was a promise of a career, I think. This time it had to do with my future husband and future life. I can't explain how I know, I just do. I can't wait to see what the future holds, but I can and will.

On a related and unrelated note: another pet peeve of mine is "Do it (live) while you still can…while you’re young and unattached." That is just not a mentality couples in L.A. have. In fact, the other day I thought that my neighbors must think I live an exciting life because I come in around midnight every night, in actuality I babysit kids of parents who live much more exciting lives than I do. So, I reject this southern stigma. Life is so much more.

Life is Hard

I'm having one of those ugly days.....um...weeks.  The anxiety has even infiltrated my dreams.  Jon Snow, my boyfriend was disinterested in one dream.  I cried while I dreamt the next night because no one ever wanted to date me so I must truly be ugly.  In the same dream, I peed all over myself in the bathroom.  What does that have to do with feeling insecure?  I read once that dreaming there are complications while needing to use the restroom means there are areas in your life you feel of which you don't have control.  BINGO.

I shouldn't be feeling this way...losing weight, getting fit doing Insanity. 

Maybe it all started with a failed phone interview with NFL studios for a freelance PA because I always say the wrong thing.  Maybe a little of the lack of sleep from working a few different jobs is affecting my mental state.  Maybe a smidgen of people treating you like dirt because you merely work retail because being treated like a dog makes you feel like a dog.  Maybe a fraction of the fact everyone in your family is about to be married and you have never even been on a date.  Just maybe.  Common sense and faith in Jesus reminds me that he has this.  This is his to take, but there must be a weak link in the chain that Satan has found.  And he's a pulling at it.

The cure isn't just any Industry Job because God has that in his plans.  The cure isn't quitting all my jobs that bring in the bacon.....mmmmm bacon.  The cure isn't going on a date with just any guy; I only want one guy.....my guy.  The cure is being brave.

I know everything I'm doing is what I am suppose to be doing so all I can do is be brave.  I had the urge to watch Brave this morning.  Then I watched Sara Bareille's new video "Brave".  It seems to be the theme of the day.  The word God decided to give me to get through this little issue I am having.  Not little.  Not really. 

brave

 [ brayv ]  

 

 

1. having or showing courage: having or showing courage, especially when facing danger, difficulty, or pain

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13)

37 Seconds

It's been a while.  This is neither Weight Loss Wednesday nor Single Lady Saturday.  So we shall call it Message Monday....but really it is because I finally have time to write. 

I have been working every day...some days, three jobs a day to pay off debt.  This time next year I will be debt free.  I am prepared to work hard, and yes, I am working four jobs all while doing Insanity at 5 am.  Whew.  Life is hard.

In four weeks of Insanity I have lost 6 lbs but I look like I've lost 20.  My body is completely changing.  If you are willing to put in the hard work....Insanity works. 

I am still working through Made to Crave Participant's Guide.  I find that I am still going to food in times of stress/exhaustion.  Mostly exhaustion between the 4 jobs.  Impaired judgment from a sleepy brain.  However, all the working out from Insanity helps when I make bad food choices so mark that down as another pro for Insanity.  I actually can't believe that I am not at my goal weight because I feel strong and healthy.  I, also, can't believe I am only half way through and I have these results so far.  Can't wait for the next leg....and a little nervous.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled
Matthew 5:6

Next up, I would like to incorporate a little Single Lady Saturday.  I mentioned awhile back that God has revealed something to me about my future husband and I was immediately overcome with this peace.  However, a new kind of anxiety and hope has arisen.  Satan has been trying to tear down this peace that God has given me.  I have been praying a lot lately to speak truth into this anxiety.  Several times this weekend God has played the theme song he gave me, Mumford and Sons' "I Will Wait".  A song I haven't heard on the radio in awhile has played two different times, incidentally right after I said a prayer.  Also, played at work over the loud speaker, which has never played before and I haven't heard it since.  Last night, I prayed about my hope.  I feel that Satan is trying to taint my hopes.  This morning I read Romans 8, verse 25 says, "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."  I've said it before and I'll say it again....I was not blessed with the gift of patience.  He is teaching me an awesome lesson. 

YES, SIR!

I've used this quote before and I will probably use it again.  It's brilliant.

Molly Mahoney: Now, we wait.
Mr. Magorium: No. We breathe.  We pulse.  We regenerate.  Our hearts beat.  Our minds create.  Our souls ingest.  37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.

I surrender all.

The Insanity has begun.  Pun Intended.

My back muscles are sore.  Muscles that have never been sore before.  EVER.

You've heard the story of someone struggling with an issue and something just "clicks"?  Suddenly they are cured or have a new perspective on life....that just happened!  I have all sorts of perspective going on.  I know now that I will never kick this food issue.  It will always be an issue.  It will always be a struggle.  Much like the recovering alcoholic surrounded by drinkers, I will always be faced with the temptation to eat what I should not.  Food is a more difficult issue to deal with because you have to eat.  You don't have to drink.  You don't have to use drugs, but you do have to eat to live.  With this realization, I know what I have to do....say goodbye to "cheat days".  Say "goodbye" to the mentality that I can have (insert sweet/junk food here) when I am skinny.  Say "goodbye" to hoarding sweets in my cupboard for when I need them.  Say "goodbye" to reward meals.  I am not a dog!  My sacrifice must be what I love to eat.  Why does it have to be food?  Why can't I indulge?  Because food is what I put on a pedestal, sadly.  The food that does not benefit me in any way.  Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son.  I can sacrifice what it is that gets me through good times and bad because it is my own fault that I covet it. 

It took me three months to go through the Made to Crave book.  Why?  Not because I am a slow reader....no, because I wasn't ready to give up what I hold dear.  Much like the rich man in Matthew 19:16-26. 

¹⁶ Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
¹⁷ “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
¹⁸ “Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, ¹⁹ honor your father and mother,’^[a] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b]”
²⁰ “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
²¹ Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
²² When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
²³ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. ²⁴ Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
²⁵ When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?”
²⁶ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

I am ready now.  I am ready to treat my body like a temple.  I am ready to make my sacrifice in God's honor. After all he sacrificed his son for my salvation.

I am sure some of you are thinking, "Geez! Food is just food!", but it is my "thing".  I am not as distracted by other sins.  I don't have a problem with sex and alcohol, those are non-issues for me.  Sin is sin, and gluttony is a sin.  No more thinking, "Why can't I have a Kit Kat or two?  It's not fair."  No more.  I do it for Him. 

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. John 8:7

All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin that does not lead to death. 1 John 5:17

Don't judge those who sin differently than you.

 

Standards, Expectations, and Values. Oh MY!

Since, God has given me my new found peace about my future dude, I was wondering if I would ever have another Single Lady Saturday post again, but whilst sitting here in my PJ's, drinking coffee, snuggled up to my 26 year old stuffed Fievel plush mouse, watching It's Complicated has me thinking about the guy that will replace my Fievel. 

I've decided the recipe for my perfect man is the jovial personality of John Krasinski in It's Complicated (or anything Big K is in, really), the virtues and honor of Jon Snow in Game of Thrones, and the quirks of Nick Miller from New Girl (also, his Grumpy Cat tendencies, but I don't know how that would mix with the jovial personality; who knows weirder things have happened).  I want the protective relationship of Lucius and Ivey in The Village and the disciplinarian, big brother type role of Mr. Knightly in Emma (may sound strange, but I want someone who makes me a better person), and loves Jesus like Tim Tebow.

I've been told to lower my expectations, but I say....."HAVE FAITH".

But really, this mouse is in good shape for his age, yes?

Insanity

Albert Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over, but expecting different results." 

I have two choices In life.. Eat what I want, and go through the motions of life in a numb state; or deal with the issues that keep me in a rut, and overcome. There are those who live their lives trying to fill a void they may not even realize is there; but I choose to be one who strives to be a better person; daily. To actually fill in the hole no matter how difficult it is to lift the shovel.

Lo and Behold.....another Mumford and Sons' song that has paralleled something I am going through at this time.  This inner struggle of not wanting to let go of the thing that comforts me in times of struggle.  It's time to lay down my vices and become the person that I am meant to be.  Junk food stunts my growth.....you see what I did there? Pun Intended.

And since, by Einstein's definition of insanity, I have been acting quite insane over the past 3 years.  Eating healthy then turning to junk food in times of emotional turmoil, joy, celebration, boredom, and....(insert any emotion here), then getting back on my diet, and hoping to lose 10 lbs in a month.  Insane.  This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done but I am ready to let go.  I am ready to work harder than I have ever worked for anything in my life......and speaking of insanity.

 

Like I said.....I am ready to work harder than I've ever worked in my life.