Weight Loss Wednesday.....is a little delayed. And as for Single Saturday.....I have nothing new to contribute. Especially now that I found peace with being single. Although, I will say that my new found peace does not mean that old habits of denying the possibility of finding someone when a friend talks about me finding love have disappeared. I asked forgiveness so I digress.
My friends were in town visiting last week and my hopes of eating healthy while they were here were shot to Hell. I'm sure some are thinking, "Well those are special circumstances. You should enjoy yourself." Every allowance I make before I have kicked this food issue is hindering the progress. I am sick of not being the person I intend to be. I keep waiting to turn into this person and life is passing me by!
I wrote this bit tonight as a motivation to myself. I decided to give myself pep-talks. Talk some sense into myself.....
I am emotionally allergic to carbs and sugar. Everything in my body tells me to stop....my skin burns, my blood rushes, my body gets bigger, depression, stress, break outs...to name a few. Why do I put something in my body it hates? It's like I am a smoker. I look at smokers wondering why they do that to themselves. Grossed out by the smoke and the stench on them; but honestly I feel the exact same way about myself. Why do I sacrifice long term happiness for short term happiness. Eat well....survive the mental torture for an hour or two but ultimately walk away feeling proud and healthier. Feel a moment or two of joy from something that tastes good and then hate myself for days...if not longer. Sugar ages me. Gives me psoriasis. Junk food makes me swell and look visibly and instantly puffy. I don't want to look puffy or older. My life hasn't started yet! When I do allow myself to eat junk, I eat and eat it and never feel satisfied. Like addicts who aren't satisfied with their drug of choice. Proof that it's God that I am not filling myself with and I am filling up with the wrong things. I want to be happy. I want to be that brave, fun loving girl I know I can be when my emotions and my body aren't controlled by food. I want to be free. I am allergic to sugar and junk food. I don't want it. It's disgusting; like a cigarette.
Time to make changes. Long term changes. I purchased Insanity this week. I am scared and excited.
I have also decided that if I pray before every meal; how much more accountable I will have to be for what I am about to put in my mouth. I know, shame on me for not already praying but like food and exercise....praying, reading the Bible, and going to church take a lot of discipline. It is easy to focus on the other tasks at hand.
I understand if you want to stop reading my blog because it is very redundant but like a child....I am going to have to be repetitive to get this into my skull!
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