There seems to be a theme replaying in my life lately.
Worry.
Some might say I have to right to worry right now....what with not having a job and all but even worrying about my job or lack there of is a slap in God's face.
God said.....
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I have always said that I am not a trusting person, and the only one I can trust is God, but I have discovered that I do not fully trust Him either. I haven't put my trust in him that he has my back when it comes to money, my future, job, helping me overcome my food addiction, and probably many more things that occupy my thoughts. Tonight at church, the message was all about laying down the worries that hinder our relationship with God. To trust that he has our back. The Pastor used the analogy that birds are never wanting for food. He takes care of the birds. Why do we not trust that He will take care of us.
And worrying all the time not only keeps us from being closer to God but closer to everyone. I discovered that I am not truly present. I am never ALL there. I am usually thinking (worrying) over other things.....at dinner with friends....worrying about money or calories.....at a movie.....worrying about the popcorn or trying not to bite my fingernails.....with my family.....worrying that I am not being social enough with my friends.....with my friends....worrying about not spending enough time with my family.....working out....worrying what I look like. EW. Why is it all about me?
I give up. I give it all up. I give up being so hard on myself...yeah so I have gained some weight.....I am going to get it back off again. I give up worrying about food and money. I am going to become thankful. Grateful for what I do have.
I have been reading this book called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkheurst. A woman that has struggled with her food addiction. Struggled with putting her love of food before God. Sadly, I know exactly how she feels. I am only on Chapter 4 but I have already learned so much. My goal is to get rid of this food addiction......and by get rid of, I know it is something I will always struggle with like any addiction, but I have decided to fight daily.
I take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one...along with the writer Lysa, Eve was also tempted by food. The Devil tempted her with something she was not suppose to eat. It looked good, it smelled good, she didn't need it but she wanted it, so she ate it, without praying or talking to God or trusting Him that He could help her overcome the craving.
God made us to crave. He wants us to, but we are meant to crave what is good for us. We are meant to crave Him. I am going to be honest, I used to struggle with the fact that God made us only to worship Him. I thought that sounded very conceited. I hate that I thought that but there it is. I prayed for the answer for years....one day, God revealed to me that He made us, yes, which is exactly why we should worship HIM. He is our creator. He breathed us into existence.....Why would we worship anything else? We were made to crave HIM.
I have always been overweight....I had it in check awhile ago when I started losing weight, but as I have been told.....a very high percentage of people gain their weight back in time because food and weight is not the only issue....it's actually a very small factor in the equation....our ties to food and weight are emotional. Why? Because food is comforting. Food is there for us when we need it. It is instant gratification. It's an escape......TALK ABOUT A SLAP IN GOD'S FACE!
I want to tell you a very personal story that I have only shared with a few people. This is when I knew I had a food addiction and I was indeed putting food before God! I was living in Clinton....ugh.(no offense Kylie)...a low point in my life and I think most people in my family. I was stuck in my room for lack of anything else to do in that town....I think it was a weekend or Spring Break and I had already had a breakfast burrito that morning. Not a healthy-ish Lean Cuisine Breakfast Burrito, but a very cheesy full of fat breakfast burrito...the kind of thing my Dad and Brother ate. I had been watching TV in my room and I was bored, so what else was there to do but eat? Again. I was not hungry. Far from it. So I went downstairs and opened the freezer. I felt a tug on my heart.....God's voice saying, "You are not hungry, put that back. You don't need it." I answered back....aloud actually...."NO! I can eat this if I want to. I have nothing else to do. I am miserable." I took the burrito out of the wrapper, and started to put it in the microwave, and I felt a knock on my heart. I actually rolled my eyes. The phone rang. It was like a scene out of a horror movie. I slowly turned around and looked at the phone. I walked over to the phone terrified at what I was about to hear on the other end. My first thought was.....OH crap....Busted! God is calling me! I picked up the phone and let out a sigh of relief...it was our former neighbor calling for my Mom. She wasn't home. I hung up the phone and rolled my eyes again. God wouldn't call me. He doesn't care. Before I even had the chance to turn back around to start the microwave.....the phone rang again. My heart jumped out of my chest as I answered the phone. No one was there. NO ONE was on the other end! As odd and as ridiculous as this sounds I am going to say it.....God called me on the phone. Some may say....YEAH RIGHT or LIAR. But I put that burrito back in the wrapper and took my frightened butt back up stairs. I didn't eat again that day until I was actually hungry.
Don't get me wrong...I will probably always be a foodie. I will always enjoy it, so don't go slapping my burger out of my hand if you see me at Chili's. BIG SUZ would be angry....and you won't like her when she's angry. But my goal is to get the emotionality with food in check. To put God before food. To not worry about how I look.
Very true, and inspiring. -mb
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