I'm on Chapter 6 of my new book Made To Crave, which I spoke about in the prior post. Very much like an AA program (from what I've heard) there is sort of a step process to take to overcome this emotional tie to food.
In Chapter 4, Friends don't let friends eat before thinking, she suggests that we need accountability partners to help us overcome and fight with us on a daily basis. So that is why I am posting now. I need accountability and prayer. Also, I would like to offer my accountability and prayer to anyone else reading this who needs to be helped through their addiction. Not just to food, but to any addictions that we deal with daily.....something as simple as shopping, credit cards, TV to bigger issues such as drugs, alcohol, and sex.
Please comment if you would like for me and for everyone here to pray for you. Just a first name. No need to tell us your addiction......I just want to offer a support system.
Here is the prayer that I would love to have you prayer for me everyday, and I will pray for you....
"God, I recognize I am made for more than the vicious cycle of being ruled by food. I need to eat to live, not live to eat. So, I keep asking for your wisdom to know what to eat and your indwelling power to walk away from things that are not beneficial for me."
It's time to get these addictions out of the way of our relationships with Christ. The time is now to get it right. We cannot keep putting off what we need to get done today. I learned something managing Pier 1 that is very applicable in our everyday lives.....If you see something that needs to get done, DO IT. Don't write it down on a list to be done at a later time. It might never get done. You might lose the list. Things will happen to prevent you from accomplishing your list. Do it. It won't take as long as it would to think about doing it.
Much like the writer of this book, I have always identified myself with my circumstances and everything I am not.....but NO MORE. I choose to see myself through God's eyes.
I am the forgiven child of God. (Romans 3:24)
I am the set-free child of God. (Romans 8:1-2)
I am the accepted child of God. (1 Corinthians 1:2)
I am the holy child of God. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
I am the made-new child of God. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I am the loved child of God. (Ephesians 1:4)
I am the close child of God. (Ephesians 2:13)
I am the confident child of God (Ephesians 3:12)...This one will take some self convincing
I am the victorious child of God (Romans 8:37)
"I was made to be set free, holy, new, loved, and confident. Because of this, I can't allow myself to partake in anything that negates my true identity. I was made for more." ~Lysa Terkheurst, Made to Crave
To conclude, I am praying that God reveals to me his word for me. The word that describes what he sees in me. It may take years to get my answer, but I cannot wait to hear it. So please pray for me. I would love to pray for you too.
"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the yes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Ephesians 1:17-19
Although, asking for wisdom and power is scary because it means I can't drown my sorrows in food. Means I cannot hide anymore. This is why I need your help.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
This girl is on fire........
There seems to be a theme replaying in my life lately.
Worry.
Some might say I have to right to worry right now....what with not having a job and all but even worrying about my job or lack there of is a slap in God's face.
God said.....
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I have always said that I am not a trusting person, and the only one I can trust is God, but I have discovered that I do not fully trust Him either. I haven't put my trust in him that he has my back when it comes to money, my future, job, helping me overcome my food addiction, and probably many more things that occupy my thoughts. Tonight at church, the message was all about laying down the worries that hinder our relationship with God. To trust that he has our back. The Pastor used the analogy that birds are never wanting for food. He takes care of the birds. Why do we not trust that He will take care of us.
And worrying all the time not only keeps us from being closer to God but closer to everyone. I discovered that I am not truly present. I am never ALL there. I am usually thinking (worrying) over other things.....at dinner with friends....worrying about money or calories.....at a movie.....worrying about the popcorn or trying not to bite my fingernails.....with my family.....worrying that I am not being social enough with my friends.....with my friends....worrying about not spending enough time with my family.....working out....worrying what I look like. EW. Why is it all about me?
I give up. I give it all up. I give up being so hard on myself...yeah so I have gained some weight.....I am going to get it back off again. I give up worrying about food and money. I am going to become thankful. Grateful for what I do have.
I have been reading this book called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkheurst. A woman that has struggled with her food addiction. Struggled with putting her love of food before God. Sadly, I know exactly how she feels. I am only on Chapter 4 but I have already learned so much. My goal is to get rid of this food addiction......and by get rid of, I know it is something I will always struggle with like any addiction, but I have decided to fight daily.
I take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one...along with the writer Lysa, Eve was also tempted by food. The Devil tempted her with something she was not suppose to eat. It looked good, it smelled good, she didn't need it but she wanted it, so she ate it, without praying or talking to God or trusting Him that He could help her overcome the craving.
God made us to crave. He wants us to, but we are meant to crave what is good for us. We are meant to crave Him. I am going to be honest, I used to struggle with the fact that God made us only to worship Him. I thought that sounded very conceited. I hate that I thought that but there it is. I prayed for the answer for years....one day, God revealed to me that He made us, yes, which is exactly why we should worship HIM. He is our creator. He breathed us into existence.....Why would we worship anything else? We were made to crave HIM.
I have always been overweight....I had it in check awhile ago when I started losing weight, but as I have been told.....a very high percentage of people gain their weight back in time because food and weight is not the only issue....it's actually a very small factor in the equation....our ties to food and weight are emotional. Why? Because food is comforting. Food is there for us when we need it. It is instant gratification. It's an escape......TALK ABOUT A SLAP IN GOD'S FACE!
I want to tell you a very personal story that I have only shared with a few people. This is when I knew I had a food addiction and I was indeed putting food before God! I was living in Clinton....ugh.(no offense Kylie)...a low point in my life and I think most people in my family. I was stuck in my room for lack of anything else to do in that town....I think it was a weekend or Spring Break and I had already had a breakfast burrito that morning. Not a healthy-ish Lean Cuisine Breakfast Burrito, but a very cheesy full of fat breakfast burrito...the kind of thing my Dad and Brother ate. I had been watching TV in my room and I was bored, so what else was there to do but eat? Again. I was not hungry. Far from it. So I went downstairs and opened the freezer. I felt a tug on my heart.....God's voice saying, "You are not hungry, put that back. You don't need it." I answered back....aloud actually...."NO! I can eat this if I want to. I have nothing else to do. I am miserable." I took the burrito out of the wrapper, and started to put it in the microwave, and I felt a knock on my heart. I actually rolled my eyes. The phone rang. It was like a scene out of a horror movie. I slowly turned around and looked at the phone. I walked over to the phone terrified at what I was about to hear on the other end. My first thought was.....OH crap....Busted! God is calling me! I picked up the phone and let out a sigh of relief...it was our former neighbor calling for my Mom. She wasn't home. I hung up the phone and rolled my eyes again. God wouldn't call me. He doesn't care. Before I even had the chance to turn back around to start the microwave.....the phone rang again. My heart jumped out of my chest as I answered the phone. No one was there. NO ONE was on the other end! As odd and as ridiculous as this sounds I am going to say it.....God called me on the phone. Some may say....YEAH RIGHT or LIAR. But I put that burrito back in the wrapper and took my frightened butt back up stairs. I didn't eat again that day until I was actually hungry.
Don't get me wrong...I will probably always be a foodie. I will always enjoy it, so don't go slapping my burger out of my hand if you see me at Chili's. BIG SUZ would be angry....and you won't like her when she's angry. But my goal is to get the emotionality with food in check. To put God before food. To not worry about how I look.
Worry.
Some might say I have to right to worry right now....what with not having a job and all but even worrying about my job or lack there of is a slap in God's face.
God said.....
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I have always said that I am not a trusting person, and the only one I can trust is God, but I have discovered that I do not fully trust Him either. I haven't put my trust in him that he has my back when it comes to money, my future, job, helping me overcome my food addiction, and probably many more things that occupy my thoughts. Tonight at church, the message was all about laying down the worries that hinder our relationship with God. To trust that he has our back. The Pastor used the analogy that birds are never wanting for food. He takes care of the birds. Why do we not trust that He will take care of us.
And worrying all the time not only keeps us from being closer to God but closer to everyone. I discovered that I am not truly present. I am never ALL there. I am usually thinking (worrying) over other things.....at dinner with friends....worrying about money or calories.....at a movie.....worrying about the popcorn or trying not to bite my fingernails.....with my family.....worrying that I am not being social enough with my friends.....with my friends....worrying about not spending enough time with my family.....working out....worrying what I look like. EW. Why is it all about me?
I give up. I give it all up. I give up being so hard on myself...yeah so I have gained some weight.....I am going to get it back off again. I give up worrying about food and money. I am going to become thankful. Grateful for what I do have.
I have been reading this book called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkheurst. A woman that has struggled with her food addiction. Struggled with putting her love of food before God. Sadly, I know exactly how she feels. I am only on Chapter 4 but I have already learned so much. My goal is to get rid of this food addiction......and by get rid of, I know it is something I will always struggle with like any addiction, but I have decided to fight daily.
I take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one...along with the writer Lysa, Eve was also tempted by food. The Devil tempted her with something she was not suppose to eat. It looked good, it smelled good, she didn't need it but she wanted it, so she ate it, without praying or talking to God or trusting Him that He could help her overcome the craving.
God made us to crave. He wants us to, but we are meant to crave what is good for us. We are meant to crave Him. I am going to be honest, I used to struggle with the fact that God made us only to worship Him. I thought that sounded very conceited. I hate that I thought that but there it is. I prayed for the answer for years....one day, God revealed to me that He made us, yes, which is exactly why we should worship HIM. He is our creator. He breathed us into existence.....Why would we worship anything else? We were made to crave HIM.
I have always been overweight....I had it in check awhile ago when I started losing weight, but as I have been told.....a very high percentage of people gain their weight back in time because food and weight is not the only issue....it's actually a very small factor in the equation....our ties to food and weight are emotional. Why? Because food is comforting. Food is there for us when we need it. It is instant gratification. It's an escape......TALK ABOUT A SLAP IN GOD'S FACE!
I want to tell you a very personal story that I have only shared with a few people. This is when I knew I had a food addiction and I was indeed putting food before God! I was living in Clinton....ugh.(no offense Kylie)...a low point in my life and I think most people in my family. I was stuck in my room for lack of anything else to do in that town....I think it was a weekend or Spring Break and I had already had a breakfast burrito that morning. Not a healthy-ish Lean Cuisine Breakfast Burrito, but a very cheesy full of fat breakfast burrito...the kind of thing my Dad and Brother ate. I had been watching TV in my room and I was bored, so what else was there to do but eat? Again. I was not hungry. Far from it. So I went downstairs and opened the freezer. I felt a tug on my heart.....God's voice saying, "You are not hungry, put that back. You don't need it." I answered back....aloud actually...."NO! I can eat this if I want to. I have nothing else to do. I am miserable." I took the burrito out of the wrapper, and started to put it in the microwave, and I felt a knock on my heart. I actually rolled my eyes. The phone rang. It was like a scene out of a horror movie. I slowly turned around and looked at the phone. I walked over to the phone terrified at what I was about to hear on the other end. My first thought was.....OH crap....Busted! God is calling me! I picked up the phone and let out a sigh of relief...it was our former neighbor calling for my Mom. She wasn't home. I hung up the phone and rolled my eyes again. God wouldn't call me. He doesn't care. Before I even had the chance to turn back around to start the microwave.....the phone rang again. My heart jumped out of my chest as I answered the phone. No one was there. NO ONE was on the other end! As odd and as ridiculous as this sounds I am going to say it.....God called me on the phone. Some may say....YEAH RIGHT or LIAR. But I put that burrito back in the wrapper and took my frightened butt back up stairs. I didn't eat again that day until I was actually hungry.
Don't get me wrong...I will probably always be a foodie. I will always enjoy it, so don't go slapping my burger out of my hand if you see me at Chili's. BIG SUZ would be angry....and you won't like her when she's angry. But my goal is to get the emotionality with food in check. To put God before food. To not worry about how I look.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Where do we go from here....
....this isn't where we intended to be.
I am pretty excited about the path that life is heading in. There is a plan forming.....It is not the plan that I would have imagined my life would take but you know the saying.....
You know the one I am talking about....
Yes, you do.
Really?
Have you been living under a rock?
OK, I'll tell you.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
You've heard that.
Anyway, I had to ask God's forgiveness last week....I mean, I ask his forgiveness every day, mostly for my unfiltered tongue, but in this instance it was something new.....I had to ask forgiveness for up and quitting my job without praying about it. I just knew I couldn't go back. It wasn't planned. I was dressed and ready to go but filled with dread. The same dread I have been filled with for months. I have worked jobs that have had their ups and downs. I have worked with difficult people before but this was different. The job was like a Dementor. Like I'd never be cheerful again and the only thing that helped me out of the funk was chocolate.
So, here I am. A week later.....jobless. I had a great week last week casting a Pilot that my friend Jen wrote. I have always suspected I would love to be a Casting Director and I suspected RIGHT! I had so much fun casting for the Pilot and my future boyfriend.....although most of the boyfriend prospects were no call/no shows....story of my life.
Although, I did love casting, and I would still love to be a part of the Entertainment Industry, I have still come back to the cold hard fact that I do not have a job.....or any kind of trade that I can make money at to live on in between the random fun Industry jobs that I love. So, like I said, there is a plan forming that I am actually very excited about but I don't really want to talk about right now because life changes so drastically and so quickly that I cannot risk sounding like a flake. All I will say is it will sort of take me back to the life that I was living previously. I just very much hope that this isn't the theme for the rest of my life.....going back and forth on what I am going to be doing.....changing jobs. I sincerely hope this is just a bad case of the...late bloomer....just figuring out what I want to do with my life....Kraft cheesy macaroni blues.
Moving on.....I haven't had any sugar since New Year's Eve....I was tempted about 30 minutes ago. I made Pumpkin Cream Cheese Bread.....not to eat, but for the love of baking. My roommates have eaten some and I really thought about it but knew how mad at myself I would be if I had. The only trouble with giving up sugar I have had is that I seem to be replacing sugar with popcorn. I have had more popcorn in the last several weeks than I have had in a year. So, I have come to the conclusion that I really need to start this book and reader's guide that I bought called, Made to Crave.
I'm going to kick this food issue I have been struggling with all my life.
I'm going to say it....Mom, look away......but....shit is about to get real.
Stay tuned to see life changes that will hopefully soon ensue.
I am pretty excited about the path that life is heading in. There is a plan forming.....It is not the plan that I would have imagined my life would take but you know the saying.....
You know the one I am talking about....
Yes, you do.
Really?
Have you been living under a rock?
OK, I'll tell you.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
You've heard that.
Anyway, I had to ask God's forgiveness last week....I mean, I ask his forgiveness every day, mostly for my unfiltered tongue, but in this instance it was something new.....I had to ask forgiveness for up and quitting my job without praying about it. I just knew I couldn't go back. It wasn't planned. I was dressed and ready to go but filled with dread. The same dread I have been filled with for months. I have worked jobs that have had their ups and downs. I have worked with difficult people before but this was different. The job was like a Dementor. Like I'd never be cheerful again and the only thing that helped me out of the funk was chocolate.
So, here I am. A week later.....jobless. I had a great week last week casting a Pilot that my friend Jen wrote. I have always suspected I would love to be a Casting Director and I suspected RIGHT! I had so much fun casting for the Pilot and my future boyfriend.....although most of the boyfriend prospects were no call/no shows....story of my life.
Although, I did love casting, and I would still love to be a part of the Entertainment Industry, I have still come back to the cold hard fact that I do not have a job.....or any kind of trade that I can make money at to live on in between the random fun Industry jobs that I love. So, like I said, there is a plan forming that I am actually very excited about but I don't really want to talk about right now because life changes so drastically and so quickly that I cannot risk sounding like a flake. All I will say is it will sort of take me back to the life that I was living previously. I just very much hope that this isn't the theme for the rest of my life.....going back and forth on what I am going to be doing.....changing jobs. I sincerely hope this is just a bad case of the...late bloomer....just figuring out what I want to do with my life....Kraft cheesy macaroni blues.
Moving on.....I haven't had any sugar since New Year's Eve....I was tempted about 30 minutes ago. I made Pumpkin Cream Cheese Bread.....not to eat, but for the love of baking. My roommates have eaten some and I really thought about it but knew how mad at myself I would be if I had. The only trouble with giving up sugar I have had is that I seem to be replacing sugar with popcorn. I have had more popcorn in the last several weeks than I have had in a year. So, I have come to the conclusion that I really need to start this book and reader's guide that I bought called, Made to Crave.
I'm going to kick this food issue I have been struggling with all my life.
I'm going to say it....Mom, look away......but....shit is about to get real.
Stay tuned to see life changes that will hopefully soon ensue.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Recycled Feelings
I had some thoughts running through my head the last several.....months that I wanted to post but couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't talk about how sad I have been for fear that I would come undone and never be made whole again.
There has been this an underlying sadness to my everyday movement. Even though I am working on a Pilot, which is why I came out here, it hadn't helped the shadow. When I was home, surrounded by my family...there was a cloud over my head.
Being back in LA for two days has me imagining the thought of living a normal life. I thought about giving up. Sometime the thought of having an in home washer and dryer and being around my nieces are completely worth giving up everything I've ever imagined my life to be.
Yesterday, I decided to stop being sad and to start being awesome. Kidding. That is a How I Met Your Mother quote. I decided to quit my job. The job that has caused me to gain about 20 to 30 lbs. I feel like it was one of those split moment decisions that will change my life. I have had a few of those in my lifetime. Moving to LA the first time. Deciding to leave College, the week before we started back. (Never regretted that one.) Anyway, long story short, the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No, I don't have a job and that is a little stressful but I feel like myself again.
I would appreciate some prayers about the job situation......(yes, I know we've been here before).
Let me tell you what else is happening in my life. I am getting busy on my budget for the year.....which yes, is a little tricky now that I have no income. I am starting the 52 week challenge. I will have a nice little savings at the end of the year.
Also, I have given up sugar. Now the side affects haven't been so bad, but the reason is because I had a stomach bug the first 5 to 6 days and I was still eating carbs those days....well, mostly saltines and peanut butter sandwiches due to the bug. Yesterday, I started back my healthy eating plan for life....which is no carbs. I count my points weight watchers style. The no sugar thing is to help me maintain my food intake on cheat days. When I eat something savory, I stop when I am full. That is just not the case with sugary treats. I can't stop. It's like a drug. I am still eating fruit (just to make that clear) and there are like 2 grams of sugar in my peanut butter but that is deal breaker. I would rather die fat, early than to go cray and give up my peanut butter.
Also, I am still considering going to school next year to become a Pastry Chef. I will fill out the FAFSA and all that jazz this year to get ready. Maybe some great industry job will come up between now and August but if it doesn't...I have a back up plan.
And so is my life right now.
There has been this an underlying sadness to my everyday movement. Even though I am working on a Pilot, which is why I came out here, it hadn't helped the shadow. When I was home, surrounded by my family...there was a cloud over my head.
Being back in LA for two days has me imagining the thought of living a normal life. I thought about giving up. Sometime the thought of having an in home washer and dryer and being around my nieces are completely worth giving up everything I've ever imagined my life to be.
Yesterday, I decided to stop being sad and to start being awesome. Kidding. That is a How I Met Your Mother quote. I decided to quit my job. The job that has caused me to gain about 20 to 30 lbs. I feel like it was one of those split moment decisions that will change my life. I have had a few of those in my lifetime. Moving to LA the first time. Deciding to leave College, the week before we started back. (Never regretted that one.) Anyway, long story short, the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No, I don't have a job and that is a little stressful but I feel like myself again.
I would appreciate some prayers about the job situation......(yes, I know we've been here before).
Let me tell you what else is happening in my life. I am getting busy on my budget for the year.....which yes, is a little tricky now that I have no income. I am starting the 52 week challenge. I will have a nice little savings at the end of the year.
Also, I have given up sugar. Now the side affects haven't been so bad, but the reason is because I had a stomach bug the first 5 to 6 days and I was still eating carbs those days....well, mostly saltines and peanut butter sandwiches due to the bug. Yesterday, I started back my healthy eating plan for life....which is no carbs. I count my points weight watchers style. The no sugar thing is to help me maintain my food intake on cheat days. When I eat something savory, I stop when I am full. That is just not the case with sugary treats. I can't stop. It's like a drug. I am still eating fruit (just to make that clear) and there are like 2 grams of sugar in my peanut butter but that is deal breaker. I would rather die fat, early than to go cray and give up my peanut butter.
Also, I am still considering going to school next year to become a Pastry Chef. I will fill out the FAFSA and all that jazz this year to get ready. Maybe some great industry job will come up between now and August but if it doesn't...I have a back up plan.
And so is my life right now.
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