This is why I live in LA!

 

Winter is coming!

 

 

GAME OF THRONES, BABY!

 

Because he had a nice back.....that I touched.  No Bigs!

 

 

Photos courtesy of Sara Elander. 

Bucket List

Kellan Lutz

Zachary Levi

Kit Harrington

Mathew Gray Gubler

Tom Hardy

Tim Tebow

Peace be with you.

It's single Saturday again; and you may not be surprised to know that I am in fact....still single. 

But that is OK. 

Instead of looking at every guy with fear and wonder...God has given me a peace.  A peace that he has the exact guy for me; who will appear at the exact time he is supposed to and not a moment sooner. He's out there.  There is nothing I can do to make it happen, and until then I am meant to live my life fulfilled by God with no other responsibilities to anyone.

I've always had this inclination that God didn't want me to tarnish my delicate nature by wasting time with any guy that wasn't the one he has planned for me.  Last week he confirmed it.  Although, a part of me wanted to know why I couldn't date......others do, which was unfair, but I am not others.  I am me and I was meant for one guy.  Not to share my thoughts and who knows what else with any man but my future husband.  There is a longing in my heart that has been quieted.  It's quite magical. 

I am confident in one (don't really understand the expression, but I am going to use it) hell of a love story; after all.....God did create Jane Austen's talents.

And now we wait......

"No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime." ~Mr. Magorium

It’s Weight Loss Wednesday.  Since I failed to post in a while I will update you on a few lessons I've learned recently.

So to begin….I have been on and off my diet over the last several weeks.  As usual.  I have lost the motivation that I once had almost 3 or 4 years ago…I’ve lost track.  Time to find it again.  I am more so trying to reset my mind, actually.  I have decided to incorporate a cheat day a week because it is more realistic and a lifetime change; and that is how I have to look at it from now on…not a diet but a lifestyle.  As I’ve mentioned before I am reading a book called Made to Crave (I know, I know…I am not finished with it yet, but it is more of a workbook) to work through the emotional tie to food that we all have.  The change I have to make especially hit home last Saturday when I went to Disneyland….yeah!  Such a magical it should have been but the mood was dismal when I couldn’t find anything comfortable to wear.  My dream outfit is a t-shirt and jeans.  A T-Shirt and Jeans?  Yes, a t-shirt and jeans.  When you have been heavy all your life…..feeling and looking cute in something simple is the greatest accomplishment.  That’s when I decided it was over.  Done.  Feeling this way is something of the past.

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it within us or we find it not. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Chapter 10 is all about temptation....how appropriate! She said something very interesting about temptation..."It's not fair that God won't let us eat of the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden.....one little bite wouldn't be so bad right?" That made me think of when I give into temptation not thinking of the long term consequences. Reminds me of the saying...."moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips". It's strange I don't see food that way when I am a "bigger picture" type person in everything else. I never smoked growing up because cancer. I never drank growing up because it could become an addiction. Never had sex because pregnancy and STDs (not that it was even an option). Interesting that I don't view food this way. 

She said something in the book that brought to my attention that if I lose this weight...I will have a physical victory in Jesus name. A physical testimony!

Now that I am figuring out all of the emotional issues I have tied to food I am on to the next biggest hurdle which is my patience or lack there of. The journey to losing weight might be harder than overcoming the emotional ties to food. Why isn't it enough to work through the issues....then you have to work to lose what took all those years to pack on? UGH....patience. Stay tuned as I fight that battle daily. So often I say this prayer to God...."Dear God, Give me patience. And I am not talking about one of those lessons to test my patience. We both know I would fail that game.....because I don't have any....so I need to borrow yours. In Jesus Name." This week as I was listening to my Mumford and Sons CD which has rarely left my player since October I really listened to the lyrics of the song "I Will Wait".....I think he provided my theme song whilst I lose this weight. 

Enjoy.

 

Well I came home
Like a stone
And I fell Heavy into your arms
These days of dust,
Wish we would've known,
Will blow away with this new sun

But I’ll kneel down, wait for now
I’ll kneel down, know my ground

I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So bring my step
And relent, you forgave and I wont forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
knowing some way to shake the excess

I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

Now I’ll be bold, as well as strong
And use my head, along side my heart
So tame my flesh and fix my eyes
a tethered mind freed from the lies

But I’ll kneel down, wait for now
I’ll kneel down, know my ground

(instrumental)

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
Bow my head, feel my heart slow

I will wait, I wait wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

 

I'm in love. I'm in love....and I don't care who knows it!

To flatter and follow others, without being flattered and followed in turn, is but a state of half enjoyment. ~Jane Austen

Since I am so behind on posting, I decided to designate certain days to Themed Posts.

And today is........Single Lady Saturday.  Yes, the fact that I’m posting on the subject of being single on “Date-Night” is not lost on me. Hardy. Har. Har. 

So maybe someone flirted with me the other day.  I think.  Maybe.  I don't know.  I am going to be honest, I googled it afterwards.  "How to know when a guy is attracted to you?".

There have been so many things that have happened since my last post that I don't even know where to begin. 

Let's begin with about a month ago I had a crush on a guy.  It lasted about a week.  I prayed about it and immediately it vanished.  It was amazing.  My crushes usually last for long periods of time and I tend to have a bit of an obsessive personality, so I gave it to God.  Then that night I was talking to him and the crush just dissolved.  I knew immediately that I must not accept anything less than a guy with the morals and ideals that I expect and deserve.  I call him my own personal Tim Tebow.  I am holding on to the fact that guys like Tim Tebow are rare but DO EXIST. 

I have come to the realization that my weight issue and being uncomfortable in my own skin have been somewhat of a blessing.   I have an amazing God that has protected me from myself and others so that I wouldn't mess up and regret my actions.  Wow.  Discovering that has given me an amazing peace about being single and being....me.  Don't get me wrong....I have weight issues.  I am not saying they're OK.  They are a set-back.  I am unhealthy and I want to be a witness mentally and physically but I no longer feel...."Woe is me!"  I have peace; and feel like I can get to the place I am meant to be.  I digress.  It's not Weight Loss Wednesday....It's Single Lady Saturday.

Since I have come to the realization recently that I am closer to dating it has brought up so many questions. Not just the question I googled.....but also.....How do you let a guy know you are interested whilst letting him be the man?  I'm sure some of you (or most) are thinking I should really know these things by now.  Or that I am over thinking all of it, but all this time NOT dating has given me A LOT of time to think....over think. 

So I am beginning to understand that it is officially only in movies that guys act or pursue without being prompted in some kind of way.  In fact, Jane Austen had to write these men into existence to get a love story that begins by Darcy pursuing Elizabeth without any inclination she felt the same way.  I'm wrapping my head around this....I'll adjust my mindset.

In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. ~Jane Austen

My new motto is to "BE BOLD!"  I am going to have to show some gumption if I am going to step out on a limb and show a guy I'm interested.  There is no guy.  Not yet, anyway.

Ship....Court?

Much like Lena Dunham getting kissed by Patrick Wilson in this week's episode of Girls....the events in my life don't seem real and I want to scream at the TV screen of my life...."WHAT IS HAPPENING!?" 

The proverbial "they" say you shouldn't post a blog of longer than two paragraphs or you risk the chance that your audience will lose interest...you may as well stop reading now.   

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a girl of my age would have everything figured out.  From now on when someone asks me my age, my response will be, "How old is my body or how old am I mentally?  Because I am only just now figuring this stuff out. 

If you asked me what I was going to do with my life last week, I would have told you....going to Culinary School in AR and possibly moving to NYC. 

But now.....I just had the time of my life playing Script Supervisor on a Pilot and it just got real!  At this point I don't remember how much information I divulged about my future plans but scrap all of it. 

Today, I paid a deposit for a Baking Program that will go from April til June.  I will have a Certificate of Completion and be able to get a job as a Pastry Chef this summer to supplement whilst I look for Script Supervisor jobs.  Who knew!?  I surely didn't.  Wowza. 

Last week, I was all set to go back to AR, live with one of my besties and go to school.  I mean, I have financial aid and everything set up for that.....but now......is this the definition of flaky or is this what the journey is all about? 

"For Miss ----------, read Miss Smith.

My first displays the wealth and pomp of kings,
Lords of the earth! their luxury and ease.

That is court.

Another view of man, my second brings;
Behold him there, the monarch of the seas!

That is ship;--plain as it can be.--Now for the cream.

But ah! united, (courtship, you know,) what reverse we have!
Man's boasted power and freedom, all are flown.
Lord of the earth and sea, he bends a slave,
And woman, lovely woman, reigns alone.

A very proper compliment!--and then follows the application, which I think, my dear Harriet, you cannot find much difficulty in comprehending. Read it in comfort to yourself. There can be no doubt of its being written for you and to you." ~Emma

 

Much like Harriet Smith, I am easily confused by riddles and courtship. 

Another, thought provoking turn of events has happened in the last several weeks.

 

For the first time in my life, I think I am ready to date.  I could never imagine it before.   I have had many crushes before and liked a guy or two but I wasn't actually ready to date.  So I never actually gave them any inclination that I was interested.  There was always some form of self-sabotage involved in these situations.  So, now that I am actually ready to date I don't actually know how.  I don't know how to get the message out there that I am interested whilst keeping my desire to be pursued.  The tricky part is I have come to the realization that guys do not pursue anymore.   They may go as far as a text to come hang out with him and his friends, but dating appears to be dead. 

I read a very interesting article about the death of courtship....
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0

.....sad.  Perhaps, I missed out.  As dramatic as it may sound, I refuse to settle for anything less the love story I deserve.  Even if it means ending up single.  I will not text him first.  John Wayne would take initiative and contact me first.  I will accept nothing less than John Wayne.  I actually changed my screensaver on my phone to  this....

 

...to remind me what real men look like.  These are the men that would say, "Howdy.  What are your plans for Valentine's Day?  I'd like to take you out."  These are the men we wait for, ladies.  Join me in boycotting anything but what we deserve.

To conclude....I have lost 8 LBS since the beginning of Feb.  And yes, I am doing it in a very healthy way. 

Living it up in LA

What are men to rocks and mountains. ~Pride and Prejudice

I am a little late posting this, but I forgot to talk about my LA Bucket List....

Since I have decided to move, I feel free to enjoy this city.  Act as a long term tourist, if you will.  So my roommate and I have decided to mark things off our Bucket List whilst still in LA.  It started two weeks ago.  First on the agenda was The Hollywood Sign. 

To anyone ever planning to do this.....It is over a mile hike.  All the way up hill.  My calf muscles stopped hurting a week later.  Also, don't wear Converse.  I couldn't breathe.  It was super embarrassing.

Next on the agenda, the 500 Days of Summer bench!

Someone jack ass stole the plaque off the bench.  Yeah, it's cool you have that on your wall, but consider the other fans in the world that would have wanted to see the plaque.  Just a thought.  And if you ever visit this area....beware of the homeless people that have no other place to "get busy" than in this park. 

Then, we hit up the Marina.  So, I used to live there so it wasn't quite as spectacular as everything else on the list but it was a beautiful day.

Last week, was not as crazy, but it was delicious.  I had the White Chocolate Blueberry Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.  Sadly, there is no picture.  I ate it before I remembered to take a pic.  And yes, there is cheesecake on the Bucket List.  Why wouldn't there be? 

Once, Kylie wakes we shall mark something else off the Bucket List.  Stay tuned.

In other news....I am 4 lbs lighter today than when I weighed yesterday morning.

That is all.

Thinspiration!

Last night I came up with the word thinspiration, but then I typed it into Pinterest only to discover...that in fact, was not true. 

I've decided to show you how I am feeling as I lay in my bed, in my pjs, ready to sleep, as I write my blog. Cue the Doogie Howser theme song....

Let's get down to brass tax (is that the expression?, what does it even mean?)  I failed on my no sugar. 

I had sugar several times in the last week.  Shesh.  I feel awful and my skin hurts...literally hurts...like burns from the sugar.  This has happened before so I know that is the case.  Also, until today I hadn't weighed since May.  In May, I was not at my smallest.  I was about 8 to10 lbs heavier than I had been once, well, as I suspected and a little worse actually, I was even 22 lbs heavier than that!  Since May I have gained 30 lbs!  EESH!  No one to blame but myself.  I needed that thinspiration to jump back on the bandwagon.  So, I got back on my no carb diet today and am trying to get rid of the baked goods (not by eating them) by giving them away but California is different than AR.  I feel like I can't give them to neighbors.  They would think it suspicious.  Laced with razor blades or drugs.  Anyway, I am going to keep up with my weight loss via this blog in hopes that it will keep me accountable.  I have goals and rewards.  REWARDS that are NOT FOOD, btw.  Because that would just perpetuate the cycle, no?  Clothes are my rewards.  There are some great outfits on Pinterest that I have been salivating over for long enough!  Time to get in these outfits!

I hope to lose 2 to 2.5 lbs a week.  I have a 6 day a week workout schedule.  And goal clothes to fit into. 

And to add insult to weight gain....I have decided to start this hard core right before we film next week.  I don't know if any of you know about film sets, but  most of what there is to do is eat.  Also, I will be getting to set at 5 am and leaving at 5 pm.....My goal is to still lose the 2 lbs next week.