Life is Hard

I'm having one of those ugly days.....um...weeks.  The anxiety has even infiltrated my dreams.  Jon Snow, my boyfriend was disinterested in one dream.  I cried while I dreamt the next night because no one ever wanted to date me so I must truly be ugly.  In the same dream, I peed all over myself in the bathroom.  What does that have to do with feeling insecure?  I read once that dreaming there are complications while needing to use the restroom means there are areas in your life you feel of which you don't have control.  BINGO.

I shouldn't be feeling this way...losing weight, getting fit doing Insanity. 

Maybe it all started with a failed phone interview with NFL studios for a freelance PA because I always say the wrong thing.  Maybe a little of the lack of sleep from working a few different jobs is affecting my mental state.  Maybe a smidgen of people treating you like dirt because you merely work retail because being treated like a dog makes you feel like a dog.  Maybe a fraction of the fact everyone in your family is about to be married and you have never even been on a date.  Just maybe.  Common sense and faith in Jesus reminds me that he has this.  This is his to take, but there must be a weak link in the chain that Satan has found.  And he's a pulling at it.

The cure isn't just any Industry Job because God has that in his plans.  The cure isn't quitting all my jobs that bring in the bacon.....mmmmm bacon.  The cure isn't going on a date with just any guy; I only want one guy.....my guy.  The cure is being brave.

I know everything I'm doing is what I am suppose to be doing so all I can do is be brave.  I had the urge to watch Brave this morning.  Then I watched Sara Bareille's new video "Brave".  It seems to be the theme of the day.  The word God decided to give me to get through this little issue I am having.  Not little.  Not really. 

brave

 [ brayv ]  

 

 

1. having or showing courage: having or showing courage, especially when facing danger, difficulty, or pain

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13)

37 Seconds

It's been a while.  This is neither Weight Loss Wednesday nor Single Lady Saturday.  So we shall call it Message Monday....but really it is because I finally have time to write. 

I have been working every day...some days, three jobs a day to pay off debt.  This time next year I will be debt free.  I am prepared to work hard, and yes, I am working four jobs all while doing Insanity at 5 am.  Whew.  Life is hard.

In four weeks of Insanity I have lost 6 lbs but I look like I've lost 20.  My body is completely changing.  If you are willing to put in the hard work....Insanity works. 

I am still working through Made to Crave Participant's Guide.  I find that I am still going to food in times of stress/exhaustion.  Mostly exhaustion between the 4 jobs.  Impaired judgment from a sleepy brain.  However, all the working out from Insanity helps when I make bad food choices so mark that down as another pro for Insanity.  I actually can't believe that I am not at my goal weight because I feel strong and healthy.  I, also, can't believe I am only half way through and I have these results so far.  Can't wait for the next leg....and a little nervous.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled
Matthew 5:6

Next up, I would like to incorporate a little Single Lady Saturday.  I mentioned awhile back that God has revealed something to me about my future husband and I was immediately overcome with this peace.  However, a new kind of anxiety and hope has arisen.  Satan has been trying to tear down this peace that God has given me.  I have been praying a lot lately to speak truth into this anxiety.  Several times this weekend God has played the theme song he gave me, Mumford and Sons' "I Will Wait".  A song I haven't heard on the radio in awhile has played two different times, incidentally right after I said a prayer.  Also, played at work over the loud speaker, which has never played before and I haven't heard it since.  Last night, I prayed about my hope.  I feel that Satan is trying to taint my hopes.  This morning I read Romans 8, verse 25 says, "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."  I've said it before and I'll say it again....I was not blessed with the gift of patience.  He is teaching me an awesome lesson. 

YES, SIR!

I've used this quote before and I will probably use it again.  It's brilliant.

Molly Mahoney: Now, we wait.
Mr. Magorium: No. We breathe.  We pulse.  We regenerate.  Our hearts beat.  Our minds create.  Our souls ingest.  37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.