You really NEVER know what you are going to get...Life lessons from Forrest Gump.
What if the thing that I've dreamed of all my life is not what I am meant to do? What if my love of movies is just like everyone else's? And wasn't meant to be anything more than that?
"...if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong we make a second better, we find comfort somewhere." ~Mansfield Park
Is it so ridiculous that my sense of purpose in life seems largely dependent on happiness in my career?
My roommate said if that is the case then my priorities in life are misaligned. Why? If we spend about 1/3 of our lives at our jobs, why can't our purpose in life be wrapped up in our career? When that is where we impact people the most? If we are not married and have kids, then our jobs are where we are most relevant.
My dreams have always been related to my career. I have never been one to have dreams of getting married and having kids. That just isn't Number 1 priority. Aside from dreaming about being in the Industry; I dream about traveling....which I fantasized would come from my job.
I would love to know everyone's individual dreams and where your sense of purpose comes from. Is mine so wrong? If so, where do I get my sense of purpose? (Feel free to comment)
Lately, I have been considering going to school to become a Pastry Chef, although that career would be detrimental to my weight loss goals. I am about to sound a lot like Julia Child in Julie and Julia.....perhaps I should try baking.....I like baking. Does everyone live with disappointments in their lives? The loss of dreams that never came true? Do most live everyday in their back-up plans? I am trying to decide if I can live everyday with the disappointment of failed dreams.
Deep.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
What can I say? I can't think of a clever title.
"What wild imaginations one forms where dear self is concerned! How sure to be mistaken." ~Persuasion
Is the most exciting thing that will ever happen in my life the moment I had this morning? It is very possible that my backside sat in the same chair as Sandra Bullock, Zac Efron, or dare I say it.....Julie Andrews. Don't get me wrong, some people would kill for the opportunity to sit their Target pants where Sandra's designer jeans have been, but I don't just want a story out of my time here in LA. I don't want to go back home in a few years with nothing but a few stories of run ins with c-list celebs and a good friend that starred on a semi popular reality show.
I want more out of life than sitting in front of the TV night after night. If that means I have to work 70 hours a week, I will. If my social life is never going to happen then I will more than happily become a workaholic, if given the chance.
I fear a life that looks similar to Susan Boyle's.
I'm putting it out there into the cosmic void that my life will be full of interviews/meetings with major Hollywood Casting Directors, of sitting in the butt prints of Julie Andrews, and 11 PM filming emergency phone calls. From my blog to God's planner.
Is the most exciting thing that will ever happen in my life the moment I had this morning? It is very possible that my backside sat in the same chair as Sandra Bullock, Zac Efron, or dare I say it.....Julie Andrews. Don't get me wrong, some people would kill for the opportunity to sit their Target pants where Sandra's designer jeans have been, but I don't just want a story out of my time here in LA. I don't want to go back home in a few years with nothing but a few stories of run ins with c-list celebs and a good friend that starred on a semi popular reality show.
I want more out of life than sitting in front of the TV night after night. If that means I have to work 70 hours a week, I will. If my social life is never going to happen then I will more than happily become a workaholic, if given the chance.
I fear a life that looks similar to Susan Boyle's.
I'm putting it out there into the cosmic void that my life will be full of interviews/meetings with major Hollywood Casting Directors, of sitting in the butt prints of Julie Andrews, and 11 PM filming emergency phone calls. From my blog to God's planner.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Mr. Knightly, can I borrow your number? I seem to have lost mine.
"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." ~Mr. Knightly
Posting my ode to Emma was apparently a little premature...There is so much more to write.
As I finished watching the aforementioned adaption of Emma, very much caught up in the moment, maybe even pretending Mr. Knightly was professing his love for me, I was struck with overwhelming emotion. (Although, I might mention that currently I am overwhelmed with emotion frequently.) What powerful feelings are in "I love you".
Imagine, if you will, a beautiful man, someone you could spend the rest of your life with, telling you he loves you for the first time. The multitude of emotions that must wash through a person like a broken levy. First, I imagined relief, that the person for which you have been waiting is standing right there in front of you. No more searching, or for those of you like me that refuse to go on a man hunt; no more wondering. He is here. He has arrived.
The barrier that breaks down once he is yours. Before there was this invisible wall preventing your touch or your feelings to break through. A minute ago he wasn't yours, then suddenly he is!
What I don't understand is why people don't wait for this. Why do people settle? It is a notion I will never comprehend. I have said it before, and I will say it again...I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than settle for a man that I am not incandescently head over heels in love with, and that love returned. I will accept nothing less than butterflies.
I imagine a paramour that plays a multitude of roles in my life, much like Mr. Knightly to Emma: best friend, lover, big brother, disciplinarian (yes, to an extent, he only wanted her to be the best possible version of herself, and called her out when she wasn't acting like the woman he knew she could be). That is a love that could stand the test of time. It is when relationships don't have all these elements, that they do not work out, I think.
I've been told I have very high expectations. Are these expectations or standards? Regardless, I have a little something called faith.
"Listen, when I was a little girl I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me" ~Katherine from Under the Tuscan Sun
One day I will wake up with "Ladybugs, Katherine, lots and lots of Ladybugs."
Posting my ode to Emma was apparently a little premature...There is so much more to write.
As I finished watching the aforementioned adaption of Emma, very much caught up in the moment, maybe even pretending Mr. Knightly was professing his love for me, I was struck with overwhelming emotion. (Although, I might mention that currently I am overwhelmed with emotion frequently.) What powerful feelings are in "I love you".
Imagine, if you will, a beautiful man, someone you could spend the rest of your life with, telling you he loves you for the first time. The multitude of emotions that must wash through a person like a broken levy. First, I imagined relief, that the person for which you have been waiting is standing right there in front of you. No more searching, or for those of you like me that refuse to go on a man hunt; no more wondering. He is here. He has arrived.
The barrier that breaks down once he is yours. Before there was this invisible wall preventing your touch or your feelings to break through. A minute ago he wasn't yours, then suddenly he is!
What I don't understand is why people don't wait for this. Why do people settle? It is a notion I will never comprehend. I have said it before, and I will say it again...I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than settle for a man that I am not incandescently head over heels in love with, and that love returned. I will accept nothing less than butterflies.
I imagine a paramour that plays a multitude of roles in my life, much like Mr. Knightly to Emma: best friend, lover, big brother, disciplinarian (yes, to an extent, he only wanted her to be the best possible version of herself, and called her out when she wasn't acting like the woman he knew she could be). That is a love that could stand the test of time. It is when relationships don't have all these elements, that they do not work out, I think.
I've been told I have very high expectations. Are these expectations or standards? Regardless, I have a little something called faith.
"Listen, when I was a little girl I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me" ~Katherine from Under the Tuscan Sun
One day I will wake up with "Ladybugs, Katherine, lots and lots of Ladybugs."
Sunday, November 4, 2012
A Hair Cut can indeed be imperative business.
"I do so wonder, Miss Woodhouse, that you should not be married, or going to be
married! so charming as you are!"
Emma laughed, and replied,
"My being charming, Harriet, is not quite enough to induce me to marry; I must find other people charming -- one other person at least. And I am not only, not going to be married, at present, but have very little intention of ever marrying at all."
"Ah! so you say; but I cannot believe it."
"I must see somebody very superior to any one I have seen yet, to be tempted; Mr. Elton, you know, (recollecting herself,) is out of the question: and I do not wish to see any such person. I would rather not be tempted. I cannot really change for the better. If I were to marry, I must expect to repent it."
"Dear me! it is so odd to hear a woman talk so!"
"I have none of the usual inducements of women to marry. Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing! but I never have been in love; it is not my way, or my nature; and I do not think I ever shall. And, without love, I am sure I should be a fool to change such a situation as mine. Fortune I do not want; employment I do not want; consequence I do not want: I believe few married women are half as much mistress of their husband's house, as I am of Hartfield; and never, never could I expect to be so truly beloved and important; so always first and always right in any man's eyes as I am in my father's."
I've always claimed Persuasion and Mansfield Park to be my favorite of Jane's novels, but as I sit here this morning watching Masterpiece Theater's Version of Emma, it is rapidly becoming my favorite. Although, Emma is most ridiculous of Jane's heroines and the least favorite of many people I have interviewed, however I have read that Emma is actually Jane's favorite characters.
What amazes me about this story is the likeness of all the characters to people I encounter daily. Who doesn't have a sweet but simple minded friend like Harriet Smith hung up on the wrong guy? And who else knows a ridiculous old lady like Miss. Bates that we all try to avoid at church gatherings? I realize that I relate to Emma a little more than I would like to admit, but she is probably the most realistic and flawed of Jane's leading ladies. So many times she says the wrong things, she is selfish, but she has a lovable innocence about her. Also, I love her views in marriage, which makes it all the more interesting when she does find love.
I always related to Anne Elliott's floundering nature and Fanny Prices pangs of unrequited love. It never occurred to me that I might be more like Emma than I ever realized.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1366312/
Emma laughed, and replied,
"My being charming, Harriet, is not quite enough to induce me to marry; I must find other people charming -- one other person at least. And I am not only, not going to be married, at present, but have very little intention of ever marrying at all."
"Ah! so you say; but I cannot believe it."
"I must see somebody very superior to any one I have seen yet, to be tempted; Mr. Elton, you know, (recollecting herself,) is out of the question: and I do not wish to see any such person. I would rather not be tempted. I cannot really change for the better. If I were to marry, I must expect to repent it."
"Dear me! it is so odd to hear a woman talk so!"
"I have none of the usual inducements of women to marry. Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing! but I never have been in love; it is not my way, or my nature; and I do not think I ever shall. And, without love, I am sure I should be a fool to change such a situation as mine. Fortune I do not want; employment I do not want; consequence I do not want: I believe few married women are half as much mistress of their husband's house, as I am of Hartfield; and never, never could I expect to be so truly beloved and important; so always first and always right in any man's eyes as I am in my father's."
I've always claimed Persuasion and Mansfield Park to be my favorite of Jane's novels, but as I sit here this morning watching Masterpiece Theater's Version of Emma, it is rapidly becoming my favorite. Although, Emma is most ridiculous of Jane's heroines and the least favorite of many people I have interviewed, however I have read that Emma is actually Jane's favorite characters.
What amazes me about this story is the likeness of all the characters to people I encounter daily. Who doesn't have a sweet but simple minded friend like Harriet Smith hung up on the wrong guy? And who else knows a ridiculous old lady like Miss. Bates that we all try to avoid at church gatherings? I realize that I relate to Emma a little more than I would like to admit, but she is probably the most realistic and flawed of Jane's leading ladies. So many times she says the wrong things, she is selfish, but she has a lovable innocence about her. Also, I love her views in marriage, which makes it all the more interesting when she does find love.
I always related to Anne Elliott's floundering nature and Fanny Prices pangs of unrequited love. It never occurred to me that I might be more like Emma than I ever realized.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1366312/
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Nobody here but us serventless American cooks
This is most likely one of those posts that I don't have anything specific on my mind, just a plethora of subjects. So, your guess is as good as mine where this is going to end up. Enjoy the ride.
I haven't eaten well this week which is due to hormones, I believe. Sorry if that is TMI but this is my "great void" to send my thoughts out to. I have been extra emotional because my job is troublesome, and as I've said I usually try being pretty optimistic, but it appears my optimism took some unpaid sick leave. The hormones made the work turmoil ten times worse, which then corrupted my eating habits, which ultimately made me feel miserable, and perpetuated the cycle.
Speaking of food, did you know that sugar not only makes you break out and shuts down your immune system, but it also stop white blood cells\ growth which causes you to age faster? Not only does it make you fat, and acneic, but it makes you old? And it is my junk food of choice! WHY ME!? Last night as I lay in bed, regretting everything I put in my body, I made the decision to go sugar free for a year.....starting in January, of course. I truly believe I can do a year. It's a year. I may even gain a year of my life back. I choose to look at it that way. Anyway, I am mentally preparing myself, much like preparing to run a marathon. Also, I can begin praying to prepare, because I am definitely going to need some strength from somewhere else.
Speaking of marathon. I think I will do that too. What have I become?
Back to the job. So, I am looking for a new one because according to my boss, this one is not working out. I almost teared up in front of him while explaining that it is a shame that they haven't gotten to see my true work ethic. I like to work hard, and there is no room for hard work at this job. I like to think that I am not a delusional being. I know when I am at fault and I don't believe I have a victim mentality. I flourish in jobs when I have a project...something to complete. That is where I get my sense of accomplishment, which makes for a job well done, but with 3 people in a cubicle made for 2, I just don't have room to show them how hard I can work. It's very frustrating. So, this job and I almost amicably parted ways this week, but they decided they needed help with paperwork. So paper cuts here I come.
Also, in this week from Satan's planner, I have decided that since I rarely do anything in the evenings except watch TV and repin everything on Pinterest, I might as well start working in the evenings, and get some sort of Entertainment Industry Internship to start making connections. By God, if they won't give me a job in exchange for money, I am going to start offering my services "FO FREE" to break in. (And by services, I mean filing and making calls, not my body, just to make that clear) Wish me luck. Or pray, rather, I don't believe in luck.
Lastly, Tim Tebow now has a girlfriend.
Rough week all around.
I haven't eaten well this week which is due to hormones, I believe. Sorry if that is TMI but this is my "great void" to send my thoughts out to. I have been extra emotional because my job is troublesome, and as I've said I usually try being pretty optimistic, but it appears my optimism took some unpaid sick leave. The hormones made the work turmoil ten times worse, which then corrupted my eating habits, which ultimately made me feel miserable, and perpetuated the cycle.
Speaking of food, did you know that sugar not only makes you break out and shuts down your immune system, but it also stop white blood cells\ growth which causes you to age faster? Not only does it make you fat, and acneic, but it makes you old? And it is my junk food of choice! WHY ME!? Last night as I lay in bed, regretting everything I put in my body, I made the decision to go sugar free for a year.....starting in January, of course. I truly believe I can do a year. It's a year. I may even gain a year of my life back. I choose to look at it that way. Anyway, I am mentally preparing myself, much like preparing to run a marathon. Also, I can begin praying to prepare, because I am definitely going to need some strength from somewhere else.
Speaking of marathon. I think I will do that too. What have I become?
Back to the job. So, I am looking for a new one because according to my boss, this one is not working out. I almost teared up in front of him while explaining that it is a shame that they haven't gotten to see my true work ethic. I like to work hard, and there is no room for hard work at this job. I like to think that I am not a delusional being. I know when I am at fault and I don't believe I have a victim mentality. I flourish in jobs when I have a project...something to complete. That is where I get my sense of accomplishment, which makes for a job well done, but with 3 people in a cubicle made for 2, I just don't have room to show them how hard I can work. It's very frustrating. So, this job and I almost amicably parted ways this week, but they decided they needed help with paperwork. So paper cuts here I come.
Also, in this week from Satan's planner, I have decided that since I rarely do anything in the evenings except watch TV and repin everything on Pinterest, I might as well start working in the evenings, and get some sort of Entertainment Industry Internship to start making connections. By God, if they won't give me a job in exchange for money, I am going to start offering my services "FO FREE" to break in. (And by services, I mean filing and making calls, not my body, just to make that clear) Wish me luck. Or pray, rather, I don't believe in luck.
Lastly, Tim Tebow now has a girlfriend.
Rough week all around.
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