For several
weeks I have been praying about a thought that popped into my head as the door
shut on an opportunity I was hoping for.
New York. New York has always
been a dream of mine. I have loved it
for as long as I can remember. I don’t
even know why I loved it before I had ever visited. I finally went on my senior trip, and I have
been back to visit New York every other year since. I just couldn’t stay away. In 2010, I went to New York around Christmas
in hopes of looking for an apartment, while I was walking around New York I
heard, “It’s not time.” It stopped me in
my tracks. It was clear.
So, I moved back to Los Angeles, where it was so clear that
I was on the right track. Roommate and housing
all fell into alignment; it was way too easy.
I’ve almost given up in my time back in Los Angeles, but I didn’t. Here I am, in a few short months I will be
jobless, and still not loving Los Angeles.
So, New York. Like, I said a door
closed on a different opportunity, and New York came to the forefront of my
mind. I began to pray over it. New York started appearing everywhere, and I
don’t mean on the side ads on Facebook.
You know you just know how you know?
I just knew these New York signs were for me. After several small signs, I continued to
pray. One morning I was talking on the
phone to my Mom and she mentioned a woman from Arkansas who now lives in New
York came to church the previous Sunday.
(She didn’t know what had been on my mind.) I thought, “Oh, that’s an interesting
coincidence.”, as I was parallel parking.
I actually had to move my car about 20 minutes later and realized I was
parked behind a Jeep Wrangler with a New York license plate. (BTW, the only car I have ever loved or
wanted to own is a Jeep Wrangler.) I
took that as my big confirmation. I just
knew. That didn’t mean I stopped looking
for other confirmations and signs. Once,
I decided that this was what I was supposed to do, I started praying over a
date to move. Then, my surgeon emailed
me with a tentative date for my jaw surgery.
My boss asked if she could pray for me over all these decisions. She began praying and stopped and said, “Oh
my gosh, I have goose bumps.” She
continued praying and a calm feeling just washed over my body, starting from my
head to my toes. By the time she
finished praying, I knew without a doubt that this is what He wants. She hugged me and told me that the Holy Spirit
is with me and He is all over this. Of
course, I have gone back and forth because New York is not the more comfortable
option. I don’t know anyone there. The fact that this decision does scare me
also confirms it is the right path. He
doesn’t call us to be comfortable. The
next day, once again, the doubt crept in, and in fact, I received news that my
surgery costs more than expected, and I heard a voice…”See, you should stay in
LA, it’s just easier.” NOT TODAY SATAN!
NOT TODAY!
Later as I was sitting quietly alone, again I thought, there
are too many difficulties moving to New York, I should just stay in LA. Then, I heard, “It’s time.” I also had a very clear picture flash in my
mind: me leaving LA at almost exactly the same week I left 7 years ago. Last time I left, I was depressed, I weighed
the heaviest I have ever been in my life, and I was running away. This time I am leaving, I am the healthiest I
have ever been, I am months away from getting a surgery that I have
wanted/needed for over 15 years, and my faith has grown. He told me, this time you did it correctly;
this is how you are supposed to leave.
As I continue to know this is the path for me, doubt creeps in, because
did I mention I don’t know anyone in New York?
God continues to confirm it with verses, songs, and friend’s
prayers. The other night while I was
reading my Bible I flipped through with this whole journey in the front of my
mind, I landed on Jonah 1 when God tells Jonah to go to Nineveh, but Jonah
didn’t want to go to Nineveh. It’s
always been my dream to move to New York.
Yes, it’s scary, much like going to Nineveh, but could it be possible
that Nineveh is the dream? The desire to
move to New York had to have come from somewhere. In fact, I don’t know where it came
from. I feel like it stemmed from my
love of movies, but then why didn’t I want to ever live in Los Angeles, the
center of the movie mecca?
Through this God has been telling me to take this journey
one step at a time, and to trust him.
It’s hard not to plan ahead, because I am a planner. How can I not wonder where I will live in a
few months, but he wants me to focus on each stepping stone as I approach them.
I wanted to talk to my BF/roommate about this whole
situation but we only see each other in passing. Last night, praise team practice was
cancelled, and I was able to go home and talk to her. She was great, and excited for me. The next day, she was going to have lunch
with a friend/ex-roommate that has been couch surfing while trying to find a
job in LA. She brought up the opening in
the apartment and the girl almost wept with joy. She was about to sign a lease this very day
that she didn’t want to, but was going to out of desperation. This was proof of his word that I can trust
him to pave the path, and all I need to do is trust.
So I will sell my car and use that to move to New York. Life is like a Sara Bareilles song.
