Hairy legs are your only link to reality.

I've always struggled with self esteem.  Whether it be nature vs nurture, it is still a big part of who I am.  Maybe it's a big part of all of us and it's what we do with it that makes us who we are, but I've decided to do something about it.  This is not a blog post all about weight which has been my biggest struggle in the journey to gaining self esteem. Realistically low self esteem doesn't disappear when your goal weight is reached.  Nay, in fact a whole mess of new issues are uncovered as if they were hiding under layers of weight.  Lose a pound, gain a different issue.  Weight is a literal barrier between the actual you and the rest of the world.  Fat rolls push out which push people further from you.  It is a wall.  I digress, like I said this is not a weight blog.  This is a self esteem blog.

I have never taken great care of myself.  Never really seeing the point in doing menial things like shaving my legs on a regular basis.  I've read blogs or pins on Pinterest suggesting things to do to perk up your day and rolled my eyes.  It all sounded so girly, and I am not a girly girl.  Feminine is not at the top of "how I feel" list.  My hands and my feet are just too big to feel as girly as other girls.  As I am in a transition period of my life I have decided to transition into someone with a healthy self esteem.  Over a year ago I made the decision to not bite my fingernails and pop my knuckles anymore.  Strangely, I acquired a sense of pride and femininity when I dropped those nasty habits.

I am going to sweep past the whole guy/self esteem issue.  I just want to assume you all know that men cannot be your source of self confidence.  Even if you have a guy, the best of guys, if he is having an off day and doesn't pay you the compliment you need, his off day will turn into your off day.  God forbid, your relationship falls apart.  You can't risk losing your man and your self confidence all in one day.  Good self esteem stemming from a relationship is paper thin; too fragile.

1. Do something you think you can't do...Stop biting your nails, 10 push ups, or whatever you can think of to give yo a sense of accomplishment.  It's the small things.

2. Paint your fingernails, put on pretty underwear that match your bra, shave your legs, put on lotion after you shower, shower, look up a healthy skin or hair treatment on Pinterest and try it.  Healthy self esteem is not dependent on these things, not in how you look; looks are fleeting, but you will be surprised how small things like this will change the way you feel.

3. Act on an urge.  Just get up and pick up that guitar.  (This is a note to myself.)  Pick up the guitar that has been sitting in the corner of your bedroom for a year.  Learn one chord.  Same with anything you have been meaning to do.  Pick it up.  Go on the Duolingo app and go through 10 minutes of learning the language you have been wanting to learn.  Do 10 minutes of whatever it is you have been wanting to do.  Usually 10 minutes turns to 30, but tell yourself 10 minutes.  I think most of what we do is tricking our brain into doing things that scares us.  Start a blog.  Talk to that guy.  Apply for that job.  It's not about the outcome because we won't see immediate results.  It is about the accomplishment of the act when you finished.

4. Write a blog post (a positive one).  Post on Facebook.  Pay someone a compliment.  When you encourage, you in turn will be encouraged.

5. DON'T compare yourself to anyone else.  That is wasted energy.  Energy you could be using on accomplishing a goal.  You are not someone else.  You are you.  The moment you begin to realize that your life will start changing.  There are things we wish we had or were like that we can do something about i.e. have arms like Jennifer Garner.  So, go do Tracy Anderson or Brooke Burke arms video.  It won't happen today but it will if you keep it up.  Then, there are things we wish but we can't do anything about, for example I will never look like Olivia Wilde.  God just didn't make me Olivia Wilde.  I could waste energy wishing but it won't happen, but I like my eyebrows so I can focus on that.  You know, Olivia Wilde probably wakes up wishing she could look like Olivia Wilde.  I mean, she doesn't have a hair and makeup team all day, every day.

6. Dance to a Taylor Swift song.  Who cares if you don't like her music.  It's fun.  Get up and dance.

7. Work out.  Eat better.  I know.  I know.  It's not something you want to hear and I did say this blog is not about losing weight.  It's not.  How do you feel after you eat a bag of Oreos?  Not good.  You may feel satiated but not good.  How do you feel after you get up and make yourself move?  Accomplished?  You don't regret working out.  You will regret not moving that day.  You don't have to do an Insanity video if you don't want to; get up and take a walk.  There may be a really cute neighbor out there walking his dog.  The goal is to go to bed feeling accomplished and not angry with yourself.

8. Lastly, watch a Bonnie Hunt movie.  She's a strong, talented, funny woman who just is who she is. She'll make you laugh and feel better about the day ahead.  If you don't like Bonnie Hunt then, this blog is not for you.  :)

Faces are a changing.

Hi friends.

I am sitting here working on my Financial Peace University budget and planning for my upcoming Corrective Jaw Surgery, I realized I need help.

My surgery will be coming up this summer.  My upper and lower jaws are in the wrong place and are rubbing together and wearing away with everything I say or eat.  This causes discomfort but the discomfort will worsen the older I get.  Also, my physical appearance will be altered as it wears away.  Insurance companies see this as purely cosmetic so I will have to pay for it out of pocket.  I ask for prayer over funding as well as the physical and emotional trauma I will endure during and after this process.  I say emotional trauma because the face I have seen the last 30 years will look drastically different, I've been told.

I have no idea exactly when my surgery will be.  It is all based on the movement of my bite with the braces I am currently wearing.  Not knowing the date is causing some stress.  I am trying to trust God's perfect timing.  My current job ends mid June and I will need a job after my recovery which can last 4 to 6 weeks.  I am praying that the timing works with the ending of my current job and with finding a new one.  So many things in the air.....I am a planner so the not knowing is hard.

Here is the link to a Fundraiser for my surgery.   

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/74t7/maxillofacial-corrective-jaw-surgery

Thank you for your support and prayers.