“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.” ~Jane Austen
"You understand things are going to get much worse before they get better?", when the Orthodontist said this, little did he know this applied to my entire life, not just my teeth. How apropos this statement is for so many things in my life right now: my under bite, my emotional tie to food, my mental state......Last week, I likened myself to a Cicada shell; I look like I'm here but if you touch me I will crumble.
I know I am at a turning point in my life and I have to make the decision of where and how it's going to go. I have not completely made up my mind at this point. The whole transition has left me kind of lost. I haven't prayed in a few days, I haven't done my devotional or my Bible Study. Turns out I am kind of mad at God; don't be shocked by this news, he isn't. In fact, he knew before I even realized it. The answer is not turning away from him, I know that; I'm not going to turn away but you know how sometimes you have to take a step back to appreciate what you have?
Apparently, I have the kind of face that makes a Maxillofacial Surgeon and Orthodontist giddy with excitement.....I mean, I knew I was kind of strange looking but.....this is going to be a very strange year for me. In reference to the Orthodontist, I get my braces on in a month and he is going to create an under bite so that I can have surgery in a year to correct the placement of my jaw. The next year of my life is going to be a roller coaster of emotions. I have grown accustomed to my own face. I mean, I have my issues with it but to be told that it will without a doubt be made worse over the next year......it is a hard pill to swallow. Only, to follow up with a surgery that will completely change everything on my face below my eyes is something I can't even comprehend. What is it going to be like to look in the mirror and see someone different that the person that looked back at you the first...ahem....years of your life? Identity crisis, perhaps? This is the time to take to secure my beliefs, values, and standards before they get "all shook up"!
On top of everything else, my family members moving from the town that I have called home for the past 20 years of my life is perhaps why I have been stuffing my face with ice cream and bread. I am very much having a "WHO AM I?" moment over the last week or so. I know I am getting close the final battle regarding my eating issues and it is like that part of me is trying to hold on for dear life (death, more like it). Suffice it to say, I am a bit of a mess right now.
Do you think if I sent this blog post directly to Tom Hiddleston I could get a hug?
Speaking of which, is it vanity or pride when I think I have a chance with someone that....I don't know....looks like Tom Hiddleston but 50 year old men are looking my way? Look old dude, I just watched the One Direction movie....and liked it. Shouldn't your eyes be wandering to someone who doesn't have dreams she's dating Harry Styles?
Good day to you.
