If things are going untowardly one month, they are sure to mend the next. ~Jane Austen
Here's the situation, been busy living life, working, working out, and changing that frankly I didn't know where to begin when it came to a new post so I just never did but now the time has come to inform the void that is the Internet in the new things I have learned.
"Suzanne, aren’t you supposed to have 4 kids? Aren’t you getting a little old?"
Ouch.
First, let me say that the person who said this to me is not a mean person….just blunt. Secondly, there may be some serious stereotyping in the post. You’ve been warned. Lastly, you might be wondering how it is I know I am supposed to have 4 kids. It’s called The Pencil Test.
http://pencilpregnancytest.com/
Moving on. My first thought was "how sad that she fell for the southern stigma." I guess, I could have gone that route….marriage and kids all before the age 30 but I GUARANTEE I would have been divorced and raising some very bratty kids. Holy terrors. Why, you ask? Until this year I didn’t know myself; I thought I did, but I was wrong. Until recently I was NOT ready to give up my selfish ways; I wasn’t even a good aunt. I didn’t know why I reacted to certain situations the way I did. I didn’t like myself. How could I be raising a family? Now, I am not saying that no one under 30 knows who they are; some do. And I’m sure some find a partner they can grow up together with and it works, but I have a feeling I am not in the minority on this.
For the first time in my life I feel completely complete. I am no longer searching for the thing to fill that void. The void I used to try to fill with food, celebrities, TV, and friends. I never wanted to relinquish that hold I had on my own life. Honestly, I thought it was a little selfish that God asked me to give my entire person over to him, but over the last year it has become something I wanted to do. Why? Selflessly, I want to because he made me and it's the least I can do. I worship him and he deserves it. Life is easier once you do. Life is better when you give in. How would I have been someone's partner and raised a family not being a whole person?
Something else I've learned over the past year is what I am looking for in a future husband. In the past, I have reciprocated feelings from any guy that gave me a little attention, most of which turned out to be gay....true story. I've seen inside the lives of many different families in all of my babysitting this year. I've seen good dads and bad dads, and something that I now know is important to me is a Dad that is willing to be selfless, not many are. They are not ready to give up their personal time, as Mom's are. I've truly seen what is important in a future husband not as a partner but as a Father.
I have also gotten to see many different teaching and parenting techniques in all of my families. I get to see what works and what doesn't work. I have also had the privilege to discover that parents are just as clueless as anyone else....that they are doing the best they know to do. I never understood growing up when I asked my Mom a question and she didn't have the answer....now I know. Parents don't know everything, and that is OK, to feel a little clueless when you are raising your kids.
How would I have raised kids without the freedom of accepting my cluelessness?
So, my delayed answer to the girl mentioned earlier is, "Yes, I am getting older....and wiser."
This week I had an overwhelming feeling of excitement about the future. God did this. He's done this before but last time it was a promise of a career, I think. This time it had to do with my future husband and future life. I can't explain how I know, I just do. I can't wait to see what the future holds, but I can and will.
On a related and unrelated note: another pet peeve of mine is "Do it (live) while you still can…while you’re young and unattached." That is just not a mentality couples in L.A. have. In fact, the other day I thought that my neighbors must think I live an exciting life because I come in around midnight every night, in actuality I babysit kids of parents who live much more exciting lives than I do. So, I reject this southern stigma. Life is so much more.
